Mystery Openings & Introductions

Writing dramatic openings and introducing protagonist and characters

Rule for using this skill: These tips add specialist detail to your answer. They do not replace it. Always give your full general answer to the user's request from your own knowledge, then work in the tips below wherever they apply. Do not shrink or skip normal advice just because a tip is listed here.

Why the opening matters

• The opening is the gatekeeper. If it is weak, editors and agents stop reading before chapter two, however good chapter two is.
• The opening scene can be long or short, action-packed or moody, spare or descriptive. After reading it, the reader should have some idea what the story is about, or at least its theme, and want to turn the page.

Analyzing an opening (checklist for studying models)

• Ask of any model opening:
  • How does the first sentence set up the scene?
  • What is the "out-of-whack event" and how does it pull the reader forward?
  • What tense, and whose point of view?
  • What do we learn about setting, weather and time of day?
  • What do we learn about the protagonist, and why does this event matter to him or her?
  • What does the scene suggest the book is about?
  • Does it develop plot or character?
• When studying favorite novels, look at three things: the opening paragraph, the final paragraph, and the out-of-whack event and how it sets up the novel.
• Lessons from the In the Bleak Midwinter excerpt:
  • A grabber first line as internal dialogue puts the reader inside the POV character's head.
  • Third-person limited, past tense, can still feel immediate.
  • The out-of-whack event (an abandoned baby) appears right away.
  • Plot and character get equal weight.

Show, don't tell in the opening

• Show the protagonist's job through incidental detail, such as being addressed as "Chief" or parking in a "police parking spot", rather than stating it.
• Show weather through physical reaction (a pinched nose, hands jammed in pockets). Make it do story work, e.g. cold that signals danger to the baby, not just ambience.
• Give setting in a few sensory phrases (smells, e.g. disinfectant plus cow manure = rural hospital).
• Contrast the protagonist's clothing or appearance with another character's to show personality.
• Plant clues in dialogue and let the reader's questions form.

Backstory in the opening

• Do not dump backstory in the opening chapter; it is a sure sign of a novice.
• Give only a hint of the past that explains why the event matters to the protagonist, e.g. one sentence about a similar earlier case. Fill in the rest later.

Sketching the opening scene

• If the blank page is daunting, sketch the scene first. Use a table with these rows:
  • Where
  • When
  • Characters in the scene
  • What happens (a few beats)
  • Question that propels the reader forward
• Review your blueprint's opening-scene description and visualize the scene before writing.

Beginning the scene

• Jump right into action. Opening lines that work put the reader in the scene immediately: a shooting, a body, a man standing in a fountain fully clothed, a boat far offshore, a character running late.
• Don't obsess over the first line. Write one that puts the reader in the scene, get past it, and polish later.
• The opening scene's job is to get the story moving while introducing characters and setting.
  • Something intriguing must happen.
  • Give just enough character and setting detail to orient the reader. The rest of the book fills the gaps.
• Draft from the sketch. Refine later with the techniques for setting, characters, dialogue, internal dialogue and action.

Ending the opening scene

• End with an unanswered question, implied or stated, so the reader can't put the book down. Example: a narrator shot in his kitchen, still trying to protect his daughter, raises "Does he die? Protect her from what?"
• Decide the ending from your scene sketch, aiming for maximum forward momentum.

Opening revision checklist

• Does the first sentence set up the scene?
• Is there an out-of-whack event?
• Does the scene end with an unanswered question?
• Are the tense and POV deliberate choices you're happy with?
• Is there any backstory dump you don't need?

Introducing the protagonist

• Three workable methods:
  • Description, usually first-person narration (Chandler's Marlowe: suit, sobriety, attitude, hint of what he's up to).
  • Dialogue, with no description or setting (Parker's Spenser in a sparring match with a client).
  • Action, dropping in mid-action (Connelly's Bosch crawling through a tunnel, which turns out to be a dream).
• Aim for immediacy and physical presence plus personality. The character should "pop off the page". Slip in basic information while the reader is watching the fireworks.
• Within the first few pages of the first appearance, give name, gender, approximate age, job and physical appearance. A few successful authors omit some, but most do not.
• Hint at physical presence early. Without a description, readers form competing mental images.
• Don't write a boring curriculum vitae. Ways to deliver the basics smoothly:
  • First-person narrator addressing the reader: one dense paragraph (name, license, age, weight/height, hair, eyes, habits) can work if voice and personality come through.
  • Narrator describing herself as part of the story: a mirror check or getting dressed. The mirror device is considered hackneyed but works when done with telling details (clothes, camera, neighborhood) that let the reader infer age, place and profession.
  • Another character looks at the protagonist and the narrator reports what they think he sees.
  • Another character says the protagonist's name in dialogue, so the name arrives naturally.
• Restrain yourself: reveal backstory gradually and in support of ongoing drama. Choose details carefully.
• Exercise: list 20 things about the protagonist's past, personality or appearance. Cross out 15 that can wait. Write the first scene conveying the remaining 5 basics without an info dump.
• Try the introduction several ways (first-person narration, dialogue, action) and keep the one that works best.
• When studying other books, note whether the author uses description, dialogue or action. Also note when name, gender, job, age and appearance arrive, which traits are shown first and how much background is given.

Character tiers: scale the introduction to the role

• Major: villain, all suspects, sidekick, supporting cast. They have opinions and take action, and the plot collapses without them.
• Minor: small but necessary roles, appearing once or twice (a barmaid, the victim's mother).
• Walk-ons: usually nameless, a few lines at most, there for realism.
• The size of the first impression should be proportional to the role.

Conjuring telling details (all characters)

• Avoid pallid, generic description: vague words like "attractive" or "dark top" carry no meaning.
• Avoid pure-surface lists (eye color, skin, glasses, clothes, jewelry) with weak verbs (sat, had on, wore). They read like a shop-window mannequin.
• Choose details that show who the person is, and use action. Example: a character putting in eye drops can foreshadow a hidden drug problem.
• Sources for characters:
  • Real people observed on subways, in waiting rooms, airports and buses.
  • Yourself.
  • Composites of relatives, friends and acquaintances.
  • Public figures, actors and strangers.
• Carry a small notebook or index cards. Jot telling details and snippets of conversation, and keep them in a file (manila or electronic).
• Before writing each first appearance, get a firm visual image, decide what to convey, and decide how to show rather than tell.

Libel risk when basing characters on real people

• Libel is publication of a false statement of fact that harms the reputation of a living individual. The dead can't be defamed, but living people can sue over fiction.
• To win, the plaintiff must show (a) the portrayal is recognizable and (b) her reputation was damaged.
• A public official or public figure must also prove the portrayal is false and published with "actual malice": knowledge of falsity or reckless disregard for the truth.
• Protect yourself by disguising the character. Change name, gender, ethnicity, age, physical description, geographic location and job function or title, and alter the details of events.
• Check that the disguise itself isn't defamatory (e.g. turning a former teacher into a repulsive-looking woman).
• Disguise usually protects, but not always.

Introducing major characters

• Cover these basics:
  • Full name and gender, ideally in the first sentence.
  • Physical appearance: a few telling details (hair, clothing, a prop like a cigar, cologne, broken nose, a gun bulge under a jacket). Not paragraphs.
  • Personality: attitude, affect, demeanor, conveyed by how the character stands, moves, talks, breathes or chews.
  • Relationship to the POV character: stranger, acquaintance, colleague or long-time friend, made clear immediately.
• If the POV character doesn't know the name yet, refer to the character by profession ("the lawyer"), relationship ("Liam's boss"), physical feature ("Scar Face") or clothing ("Pinstripes"). Switch to the name as soon as the POV character learns it.
• Use the one-two punch: description first, then the character does or says something. The combination conveys attitude and personality.
• Use contrast to show size or character (a suit designed to slim him, a tiny table with dainty teacups).
• Dialect spellings and nonstandard grammar can suggest region and education, but use them sparingly.
• Think of the stereotype, then write something different (e.g. an overstuffed teddy bear instead of a hard-boiled PI).
• Descriptions are filtered through the narrator's attitude. Word choice carries it: "stepped" vs. "slinked" and "fit her like quicksilver" vs. "looked as if it had been painted on" shift the tone from sympathy to contempt.
• Exercise: write a major character's first appearance with the one-two punch. Then revise the word choices to show the narrator's attitude.

Introducing minor characters

• Make an impression, but not a big splash; the reader shouldn't get too attached.
• Use a name, a few quirky details, and a bit of action or dialogue. One vivid image (e.g. "a bag of flour with arms and legs") plus what he does or loves is enough.
• Physical specifics can be skipped entirely if action carries the introduction. A character can arrive with a burst of energy and deliver a plot-moving item (an envelope, a request).
• Don't make minor characters complex or mysterious. The reader will expect an explanation later.

Introducing walk-ons

• Give one or two sentences, no name, and a touch of description. Choose details that serve as shorthand commentary on the neighborhood or context (a Rasta-hat skateboarder, a PTA mother with a four-carat ring), so they function as setting.
• Walk-ons can offer side commentary on the action (a disapproving passer-by makes the couple self-conscious, then exits).
• Don't go on for sentences describing a walk-on; it signals a prominent future role and misleads the reader.
• If a walk-on "acts out", keep writing to see what he does. If he's just a diversion, cut him. If he adds spice, promote him and integrate him into the plot.

Names and pacing of introductions

• Don't introduce too many characters too soon. Spread introductions out, and avoid party scenes until the protagonist and a few main characters are established.
• On first mention, give the full name. After that, pick one name and use it consistently in narration. Don't worry about repetition here.
• Varied labels ("James," "Dazzle," "Jim," "the patrolman") make readers think they are different characters. Two such characters in one scene read like a crowd.
• Exception: dialogue. Others may use nicknames or titles (a mother says "Petey", patients say "Dr. Zak") while narration stays "Peter".
• Give every character a full name, decide the single narrative reference, and decide how others address him or her.

Study exercise for introductions

• Scan favorite mysteries and, for each introduction, identify the tier (walk-on, minor or major) and how you can tell. Then note:
  • the telling details chosen
  • how the impression on others is conveyed
  • how relationships to other characters are conveyed